You are, you know.
Just exactly as you are. Right now. This minute. And the one after that. And the one after that.
Yes, that voice in the back of your head says differently. Yes, it whispers in that sibilant way it has and makes you wonder.
It says things like…
You shouldn’t do that.
You should fit in.
You don’t have what it takes.
You’re not good enough.
That voice? Is bullshit.
Total, utter, no holds barred bullshit.
Because you? Are pretty damn amazing.
There’s a part of you that knows it. How amazing you are…
It’s natural, after all.
A co-worker came into my office the other day just fit to be tied (as my grandmother would say). She was frustrated, angry, highly annoyed. She gestured, she breathed rapidly, she had that tone. You could see it in her eyes and her stance.
She had to get it out. She was just blowing off steam. For every deflection we tried, she had an answer. She was wound up.
And I felt it the rest of the evening.
My chest was tight and a little tender. I knew I had not only recognized the emotion and…
Be careful what you send.
I dated a guy who in-person was absolutely awesome. Fun. Engaging. Boy, did we laugh and enjoy ourselves.
But on nights when we were apart and he would have a little alcohol, his text messages would get pretty nasty.
All under the guise of “being honest,” I would be told in no uncertain terms what was wrong with me and what I needed to work on.
When we would get back together and I tried to mention the texts, he’d brush them off as a misunderstanding and didn’t want to talk about it. …
It still boggles my mind…
I’m headed home from work on a chilly December afternoon, trying to figure out what I should have for dinner, when I sense an odd noise coming from the car.
Naturally, as is the way of things, I had just handed in my final payment on the vehicle a month ago. For a split-second I think, “Oh please don’t let there be anything really wrong here. Not after I just got the title and everything.”
I take a breath, reach for some kind of calm, and tell myself, “Just keep going. …
The roller coaster ride of blame.
It’s a conversation my sister and I often have via text message. She’ll send me something along the lines of, “Well, past me has done it again.”
Typically “past her” signed up for something she didn’t really want to do or said yes to attending some kind of an outing in the future. Only the future is now and past her doesn’t really seem all that sorry about how much that is messing up current her.
We joke with each other that past us doesn’t appear to have any feelings about future us and…
I’ve been bawling a lot recently. What’s up with that?
So, yes, I’m pre-menopausal. And yes, I’ve had a pretty rough week (a rough month or two if I’m being real about it).
But I have found myself tearing up more and more recently.
Could it be my age? Do you get sappier the older you get? Is the amount of sentimentality directly proportional to how long you’ve been alive?
I got addicted to Ken Burns’s Country Music documentary on PBS a while back. Oh my word, the songs and the footage they have is unreal. …
Sunflowers made me wonder.
On my way home the other night, I passed the sunflower field and had a bit of a revelation.
Each year, a local farmer chooses a field somewhere in the area to plant sunflowers. Rows and rows and rows of sunflowers. I think the location changes each year and this time, part of it bloomed on the road that takes me home every night.
The almost-shocking golden color is absolutely breath-taking and practically too glorious to adequately describe. …
It’s crazy, right?
My acupuncturist made the statement to me a few weeks ago and it’s still rattling around in my head: What if there’s nothing wrong with you?
Those seven words damn near made everything inside me grind to a halt.
My god, what if there isn’t anything wrong with me? What if my weight is just what it should be? What if the fact that I’ve never been married and never had children is what was supposed to happen? What if none of my relationships with significant others were supposed to work out? …
Ask-er of random questions, fellow traveler in this universe, looking for the good.